I recently had my first ever hospital visit. Unfortunately, this first happened in a foreign country – one of the best foreign countries for it to happen in, as Spain is internationally known for its healthcare system, but it likely still would’ve been easier at home. Here are some pro-tips for making any potential Spanish hospital visit less hectic, and probably for avoiding embarrassment. Illustrated via Grey’s Anatomy because every person could use more McSteamy.

They don’t have wifi. Anywhere. Is this the 21st century or…?

I repeat, THEY DON’T HAVE WIFI.

It’s unlikely you’ll find someone in small hospitals that speaks English well enough to be a decent translator.

Particularly if you’re in pain and can’t manage to translate by yourself.

So go to a big hospital, preferably one with an international department. 

Don’t try to tell a medical joke in Spanish.

It will backfire and you’ll say you have bad sales instead of bad veins.

And just pretend to not know they’re talking about you. 

They have needles and scalpels and you’re confined to a bed. Is this really the time to throw shade?

Ambulances make you pay in cash. And don’t have change.

But that’s only the case if you don’t have the magical free European healthcare. 

You special, European snowflakes.

Their nurses are super good at giving shots.

I bruise easily and though my inner arm bruised from the IV, there is no bruise in any of the other areas (ahem hands off the butt) that they stuck needles.  

But will also ask you your pain level approximately 10,000 times. 

Your stress levels will go through the roof without your family nearby.

But you’ll feel super loved when you get messages and calls (from people on both sides of the Atlantic) asking if you’re okay.

And if you have a friend (or sister) with you, you’ll end up with a champion and best friend at the end of the 10-hour event.

Hit us in our DMs at @fernwehyfood. XoXx Fernweh & Food